Saturday, August 30, 2014

Dear Momma

Dear Momma (a note to myself and sweet boys),

Don't take this time for granted; the early mornings, all night snuggles, and sleepless nights will soon be gone. It's not a bad thing - babies grow, momma's grow, life goes on, but cherish these small and quiet times while you can. There are so many times when I'm holding each of my sons that I wish I could just snap a million pictures of their angelic faces - capture every line, every sleepy smile, every twitch - but my memory will just have to serve as testament to these sweet moments. I find myself teary eyed a lot these days as I watch them change - they are becoming little boys and before I know it they won't need me for much anymore. They won't need me to feed them, bathe them, wipe their stinky bottoms (that one I won't miss). They won't need me to cuddle on the couch, hold their hand to cross the road, or push their stroller day after day so that they can enjoy the world around us. They won't need me to kiss boo boo's, get them a "little bit of chocolate milk", or show them there's no monsters under the bed. Soon, they will be chasing after each other and going to school. Soon, they will be sleeping in their own room and writing their names. Soon, life will move on so soon.

My dear boys, I promise to be present in this moment with you. To "look at this mommy", "watch this mommy", "come here mommy" as much as your heart desires. Sometimes I may seem distracted - sometimes I am. Sometimes Mommy needs a little break, but please remind me that breaks will come when you nap and when you grow. Pull my hand, tap my arm - bring me back to the present. Help me to stay focused on the little time I have to spend every second of my day with you - because yes dear boys, you are my world and I don't want to miss a second of our time together.

I love you more than words, hugs, or kisses could ever explain and I thank God for giving me the opportunity to raise two beautiful, extraordinary, compassionate young men.

Love you to the moon and back, infinity and beyond....

Monday, May 26, 2014

Sorry for the hiatus...

Hello poor forgotten readers...if there are any. Yes, I'm terribly sorry for neglecting this blog, but it's probably going to stay that way for a little bit longer. I've tried, really, to write a new post or four for you, but they all sit half finished in that cute little drafts folder staring blankly at me. Do I want to finish them for y'all? Yes, yes I do, but you see I've inherited this medical condition that causes me to have short term memory loss, A.D.D, and the ability to just stare absent minded at the screen in front of me trying ever so desperately to write a coherent sentence...aka Mommy Brain.


Yes, Mommy brain is a thing and I have it times a million. I've got it easy compared to most with only two under the age of three, but my friend, I can't complete a thought to save my life (I'm struggling now FYI). I mean seriously, I've made a diligent effort to complete these posts for y'all because I know they could be good and enjoyable and a nice little reprieve for other peeps like me who love a little outlet where they know they're not alone! But I brain just doesn't want to work to write a decent sentence much less a paragraph. What really suck's about my current diagnosis is that I tend to think of my best material while driving in the car bee bopping to If you're happy and you know it while trying to block out the screaming competition going on between a toddler and 6 month old...FYI SUV's totally should come with those awesome limo window's that go up and down between the driver and those boys but sometimes I think they are worse than people texting and driving!! See there I go...ADD in full capacity!

SO, I love y'all times a million and I PROMISE to come back one day...when mommy brain has taken a slight hiatus (word on the street is I will never have my young brain back hiss) and I can actually focus without staring at the screen for 30 minutes trying to formulate a sentence or a thought...or even remember why I started that post in the first place!

Love y'all and thanks for understanding!

AND for those who haven't had the pleasure of experiencing mommy is a great info graphic of my current state of affairs!

Tuesday, January 21, 2014


I've never been the most vocal gal about religion - not that I was ashamed or didn't believe in a bigger power - just have never been one to preach it. Church was something I had to attend...not always something I wanted to attend. In high school I'd show up begrudgingly or hungover. In college, I didn't go at all.  You could say I'd "lost" my faith, but I feel it was a lack of looking and following the spiritual leaders that were placed before me - my mother being one of them. She's a smart woman...she gave me my "spiritual" space, but still would remind me about his plans...usually when I was upset about a boy, life, stress, etc. 

Where am I going with this and why am I telling you this?

When I met my now husband, I was in a dark place and he was my light. He has ALWAYS been a sound believer and preacher - not in the annoying quit throwing your religion in my face kind of way, but in the "he loves everyone, let me just show you" kind of way. In other words, he helped guide me back to walking in Jesus' footsteps. I pay closer attention these days and turn my worries over to him, but like any human being I tend to push that voice to the back and proceed with what I want.

Yesterday, that voice couldn't be quieted. God is funny like that; he has a way of bringing you back down to earth when you least expect it. All weekend I'd been plotting, planning, and researching our landscaping "needs". I want a place for our boys to play and didn't care the cost(s) it would take to make it happen. I already started calling landscapers to get "quotes" and start the process of laying out our future lawn "needs". Remember, my boys are 2 and 2 1/2 months...they have NO IDEA they don't have true grass to play in or a "nicer" fence to keep them contained. 

Sarasota is littered with parks - our favorite right down the street. Lil man wanted to we did and it was PACKED. My son is not one to play with lots of other kids, but would prefer to watch or play solo, so we took a walk in search of the "moo-moo's" (cows). Since none could be found, we stopped in the open field across from the pasture to nurse his brother and let him run. There were two older boys, 7 yrs-ish, playing nearby. Out of nowhere they walked over to us and asked my lil man if he wanted to play with them. Instead of being loud, rough, or act like big boys, they calmly showed him their cars and what they could do - he was mesmerized! They were SO sweet to him - a kid many years younger than them! While they were happily showing him their cars, one started telling him about his current life situation. "Did you know I'm homeless? That means I don't have a home of my own." - my heart jumped out of my chest. These two little boys had no home, yet it did't seem to phase them. 

God's funny like that - I needed to be humbled. My children have SO much while others have SO little. It was a much needed reminder that life isn't about what we have or want, but seeing the beauty that's around us. Unbeknownst to these sweet boys, they were helping my son - teaching him the lessons of playing and sharing with others. Being gentle and kind to a child that they didn't know is extremely shy around other children. Giving this Momma a much needed break from 24/7 playmate. SHOWING this Momma that there are more important things in life than a pre-conceived notion of a "pretty" yard.

They showed lil man how to throw his frisbee - he said "wow" with a big grin on his face. As they went to run off to their next play spot, I thanked them for playing so nicely with him and they responded, "you're welcome, but he didn't really play, just watched us." Oh sweet boys, you don't know how much you helped this Momma and little boy.

I came home and mowed our "grass" a.k.a. weeds - they didn't look so bad after all.


Thursday, January 9, 2014

The Sleep Dance


It's a terribly blurry 6am picture, but look closely. Obviously you've found the giant dog, but there is also a husband buried beneath the extra blanket (smart man), and a toddler sprawled horizontally between said husband and "pillow" mother (we obviously take great preventative measures to ensure he doesn't roll off...) My spot you might ask?  Hah, I'm the mom...there is no "one" spot for my endless shuffling of toddler cuddling and infant nursing!

If you're one of those parents that succeeded in sleep training, mad props to you. I tried.I cried.I tried again.I failed again.

It's a delicate dance we do over here to get all babes asleep. It doesn't help our oldest has had sleep issues (night terrors, then nightmares) starting at the ripe age of 11 months. Do you know how hard it is to console a child who technically isn't awake?! Hard and heart wrenching! At 2 years, he will begin in his bed, but undoubtedly will be running, crying, and screaming "momma" at 2 am as he high tails it for our bed. The baby you wonder? He's in his assigned bed beside ours for now...we shall see if he inherited his brother's sleep habits!

It's a love/hate relationship we have over here with sleep, but more on the love side. I definitely miss my deep slumbers or just sharing a bed with my main squeeze, but oh how it gets me to hear "hi momma" every morning OR feel this tiny little body I helped create cuddle up as close as possible in the wee hours of the morning. These are moments I count my blessings for being able to be a momma!

One day the 2am wake up calls will end, my bed will be too big, and there will be no more "hi momma's" so until then I will continue the sleep dance and count my blessings!

Thursday, December 19, 2013

Mommyhood: Surviving

To the mothers that make juggling kids look so easy - I love and hate you all at the same time. You know who you are; the ones that are dressed, showered, hair done, with fully dressed and bathed kiddos in tow. I envy your ability to accomplish all this and still manage a smile on your face, but yet I love that you actually take pride in this grand feat that you've mastered. 

I on the other hand am not one of those mothers. Showering typically involves a quick rinse as one kid's saying "Momma move" and the other is fighting the urge to scream...only due to the pacifier shoved in his mouth. Don't even start with getting dressed - Nike running shorts and hopefully a coordinating t-shirt are as close as it gets to dressed. And my hair? Usually still wet, pulled back in a pony with a side "go to" for those that know me all too well. 

In other words, we're surviving. Some days are great and others not so much. We are trying to be active members of society, but many days we are lucky to make it out of bed. 

I'm fortunate to have an army of prayer warriors and a very understanding support system because this Momma needs all she can get! 

I know I'm not alone in the battle of high needs kiddos and shoot, I've got it a lot easier than other Mommas, but this article made me breath a little easier-enjoy.

I also know infants aren't easy, but when you have not one, but two high needs (and super sweet) kids, life is a little crazy. The highs and lows of Mommyhood hit hard - the highs are really high and hopeful, but the lows...are low and tear filled. I know we will survive this, we're stronger than that, but for now it's a matter of survival around this casa.


Sunday, December 1, 2013


Mommyhood definitely isn't a walk in the park! Not that I ever expected it to be, but I think many of us go into this thing called parenting with hopes and dreams of that "perfect" child - you know, the one that sleeps through the night at 4 weeks or the one that's content just sitting in there little seat taking in this big new world?! Yeah, no I don't know them either...

Mommyhood is HARD - from carrying this lil sucker for nine months to trying to figure out what the heck their crying about it's hard, backbreaking, breath-holding, screaming on the inside work! Shoot, my eldest is two and I still don't know what he's crying about half the time! Throw in toddler jibber jabber and you've got a sobbing mess on your hands until he learns to enunciate!

I've been fortunate to be blessed with not one, but two very healthy and happy boys. They are my world and they know how to rock it both high and low! I've learned that there is no right or wrong way to raise these guys and I can only do what works for us. Right now that means long mornings constantly feeding one (he's needy) while the other watches his umpteenth episode of Curious George..we've watched evey episode, seasons least twice...we're in survival mode people!

Both my kiddo's are terrible sleepers and stage five clingers. Our life is definitely on auto pilot right now since we aren't sleeping more than a couple hours at a time WITH a toddler in the middle of the bed AND a giant dog at the bottom (we have the quintessential family bed). On top of that, they both want "momma" ALL THE TIME. One wants his "mommy juice" while the other wants my hair; i.e. his "security blanket". Is it sweet? Absolutely! It is exhausting and sometimes extremely testing? You betcha!

BUT, we will survive and sleep again one day!


Epic Parent Fail

I'm by far NOT a perfect parent nor do I tout being a perfect parent, but this one takes the cake for epic parent fail of the century. I totally underestimated the life changing effects of two under two. I have Mommy brain like no other, I can't tell you the last time I shaved my legs, and my house looks like a bomb went off. The only accomplishment? Both our kids are still alive - my only goal for the time being!

But, I digress - while napping with our 22 month old the other day, all I could think was, "man he stinks! What in the world did he and his dad do outside?" Then, in a state of OMG/WTF is wrong with me, I asked my husband if he had bathed the Prince since he'd been home (he was away on business for an evening). Of course I already knew this answer...nope he hadn't and neither had I. In the craziness that envelopes our life right now WE FORGOT TO BATH OUR TODDLER. Who does that?! Who forgets to bath their kid?! I mean seriously, we are so sleep deprived thanks to a very needy infant, we neglected to toss the older kiddo into the tub and at least spray him off! I do wipe his face, hands, and booty everyday THANK GOD, but yep that little body didn't get a good scrub down for four whole days. Upon this realization we quickly turned afternoon play into sink time and let him  make as big of a mess as he wanted while we super suds his lil body until it smelled like roses!

The truth is sometimes ugly...or in this case VERY stinky!